Friday, October 17, 2008

i am angry

I’m angry because you pursued me relentlessly and told me you wanted me
to be your boyfriend.
I’m angry because I learned you did that with others while we were still
I’m angry because you lied when you told me you weren’t attracted to men I
later learned you screwed.
I’m angry because I can’t tell you how angry I am.
I’m angry that it makes me hurt when I see, hear or write your name – even
when it isn’t you who’s being referred to.
I’m angry that you led me to believe you wanted a life with me.
I’m angry that I can’t just come over your place when I feel like it.
I’m angry that you would probably let me if I wanted and that I have to resist.
I’m angry because I can’t talk to you.
I’m angry because I’m lonely and you have several lovers vying for your
I’m angry that I don’t know exactly when you began disregarding my feelings.
I’m angry that I don’t know what things you said were true and which were
I’m angry you never tried.
I’m angry I liked you so much in the beginning – or was so excited that
someone attractive and interesting wanted to spend time with me that I
ignored warning signs.
I’m angry it took 5 years to find someone so easy to be around – and I’m
afraid it may be even longer until I do again.
I’m angry I fell in love with you.
I’m angry because I don’t have a crush on anyone right now.
I’m angry because I haven’t been happy for months.
I’m angry I can’t just make things right.
I’m angry when strangers in stores or on the street tell me to “smile.”
I’m angry that you are having fun and not suffering like I am.
I’m angry that I’m jealous of whoever’s in your life now.
I’m angry that when I suggested that you take some time to be single, you
emphatically said you didn’t want that and were happy with our relationship.
I’m angry that I believed for so long that you loved me.
I’m angry I haven’t moved on.
I’m angry that I feel like crying right now.
I’m angry because I can never have a truly honest conversation with you.
I’m angry because I have to avoid you.
I’m angry that it hurts when I see things you would like or be interested in –
or when I hear someone else talk about them.
I’m angry there are so many of those things.
I’m angry that I don’t have someone telling me that I’m sexy.
I’m angry I shared so many personal secrets and fears with you.
I’m angry that I don’t really know you at all.
I’m angry because others knew about your behavior before I did.
I’m angry I will never know how much meaning our relationship had for you.
I’m angry because I will never know how you really felt about me.
I’m angry because I still think of you.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

why am i feeling this way?grrrr...

now i hate my life.
i failed again in the process of loving.
somebody broke my feelings again.
somebody broke my trust again.
i am so MAD at my self.
i am empty again.
i dont know what to do.
i want to end up my life.
i feel that nobody wants me.
am i doomed to fail?
am i destined to suffer?
i hate my life now.
i am so exhausted.
i am sick and tired of loving.
i want to cry out loud.


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